There is no right or wrong way to grieve or help someone through grief. Being one of the most painful feelings one will ever endure, losing an individual dear to us can cause abrupt emotions such as shock, anger, disbelief, and guilt. While these abrupt emotions are normal reactions to loss, it is important for those who lost someone, to deal with the grieving process in a healthy way. In this article, you can find 6 ways in which you can help someone through grief.

What is Grief?

To simply describe grief, it is emotional suffering that one feels when something or someone important to you, is taken away. Experiencing grief is one of the most painful moments that we experience in life, for instance, the death of a loved one. Moreover, while the unexpected death of a loved one is a common cause of grief, losing someone or something can cause grief as well, including:

1. Divorce or and end of a relationship
2. Loss of health
3. Loss of a job
4. Loss of financial freedom
5. Miscarriage
6. Retirement
7. Loss of a friendship
8. Loss of a pet

The Grieving Process

The process of grief is a very personal experience and can be different from how other individuals cope. How an individual grieves depends on several factors such as their personality, coping mechanisms, lifestyle, faith, and how significant the person was in their life.  For most, the grieving process takes a long time while others start to feel better after days, weeks, or months. Ultimately, grief is a universal emotion and it is important to keep in mind that we must be patient with ourselves and with others; we must allow the process to naturally unfold through time.

How to Help Someone in Grief

With the unique challenges we are presented with by the pandemic, supporting someone who is in grief may be a lot tougher than usual. Grief is a lonely process, especially for those who are on their own. So, it is helpful for us to know how we can support those who are experiencing one of the most difficult times in their lives, the best possible way.

In episode 4 of our podcast: Curatio Connects, Emma Payne a grief coach suggests six ways in which we are able to support someone who is in grief:

1. Talk about them just as you would if they were still present – In North America, it is uncommon to mention the name of the person who has died as we believe that it makes the grieving person sad. Payne discusses that they are sad because somebody died. However, if you talk about them as if they were still present, it may give some sort of relief. It means that you remember them too, and the person is still present in your memory.

2. Share stories and memories. Keeping the person alive in your mind – Payne suggests that sharing the name, stories, and keeping the person alive in your mind gives the grieving person a sense of joy. This is because it tells the grieving person that you remember the person who passed away and the memories you shared with them.

3. Let them know that you are willing to hear what they might want to say – Whether that may be in a zoom call or in-person, human connection and a willingness to listen is best. It can be as simple as  “Hey, I’m here. If you need anything, just give me a call.”

4. Offer something specific that you think they may appreciate – Think about what you are already good at and offer that. Avoid the question “Is there anything you need?”, as the grieving person may not even know what they need. Payne suggests offering something specific that you can easily and freely do; most of these things can be from a distance such as offering to empty the bins every week for the next few months.

5. Open different channels of communication  – Payne suggests trying different modes of communication when trying to reach out. These days, that can be in a form of a quick phone call, text, or inviting them out for a cup of coffee. According to Payne, “if the person starts crying, consider that a compliment. It means that they trust you enough to share a little bit about what they’re really, really feeling.”

6. Keep offering. The offer is appreciated and heard – When you reach out to someone and offer something to help them, don’t take it personally if they do not accept or show up. Know that at least the offer was appreciated and heard

Ultimately, Emma Payne concludes that “It’s not just about how to help someone after someone dies. It’s how we are healthier as a society and as communities and as individuals. Grief is just one of the moments in time when we have an opportunity to treat each other well and to come out stronger and supported and loved.” Whether we are helping someone in grief over a loved one, losing a job, or others listed above, what we must practice is a space of support, love, and patience with one another.

Resources

• Smith, M, et al. “Helping Someone Who’s Grieving.” Helping Someone Who’s Grieving – HelpGuide.org, www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm.
• Smith, M, et al. “Helping Someone Who’s Grieving.”Coping with grief and loss HelpGuide.org, www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

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